Sometimes, people scare me

I seem to have spent the day not thinking about anything important.  Instead of homework and New Life stuff and God and Aaron and everything else that's important, I have spent the day watching movies and reading books, and not thinking about everything I needed to think about.  I have not written in my journal, or finished the letter I'm writing (sorry Aaron), or done my homework, or had my quiet time, or actually talked to really anyone.  I'm not sure how I feel about this.  I'm kind of afraid that I might be afraid of going outside, where all the people are.  I mean, up to some point this is realistic, as today is a football saturday and it's a historic one and everyone is wearing maize and blue and getting drunk all over town and the streets are insanely crowded.  Also, it is now dark, and they still haven't caught the guy or guys who had been assaulting girls this summer.  So this isn't entirely crazy.  But sometimes I just sit up in my dorm room and I'm almost paralyzed about having to go interact with all of these people, and deal with being around them, and deal with sensory overload.  And I hate it, but I can't seem to snap myself out of it.  And it would help to talk to people, but Alyssa isn't here, and besides I'm not sure how helpful that would be, and I'm not sure who is here in their dorm room instead of watching the game.  Basically, I'm in a bad mental state and can't get out of it.  And being outside would help but that wouldn't work because of the rapist.  Seeing outside would also help, but Alyssa lofted her bed and it's right next to the window, so I can't really see the lovely view we have, like ever.  And I'm just complaining now.  I'm going to go do something positive, that will make me feel better and will make someone else happy.