Missing you on a Saturday Morning

I miss you abstractly
like an idea I once had
laying in bed
before sleep overtook me
and it got lost
somewhere in my dreams.
I miss you
like I miss Halloween candy,
after I realized I was too old
for trick-or-treating.
I miss you
like I miss the autumn leaves
when it's April and
the flowers are blooming.
I miss you
like I miss the deep-seated cold
of a January night
while at the beach
in August.
I miss you
like I miss all the books of my childhood
still on my bookshelf,
within reach,
yet I never touch them.
I miss you
like I miss the pine tree in my backyard
the one with the view of the cemetery,
the one my brother used to climb,
(cheating I called it)
in the middle of our games of tag hide-n-seek.
I miss you
like I miss all of my wasted days
all of my wasted time.
I miss you
like I miss childhood.
Mostly remembering the good times
but with the nagging feeling
I was miserable sometimes.
I miss you
like I miss all of the books I left at home,
with a fleeting pang
that is soon gone.
I miss you
like I've forgotten
who you are,
how you hurt me,
all the time we shared
who we were.
And it comes back to me laying in bed,
seven-thirty on a Saturday morning,
with the marching band playing
Lady Gaga in the background
and I realize how much
I've been missing you.

So Much To Say

Goodbyes are hard because whenever I leave one of my friends, or one of my friends leave me, I always think of all the times we didn't hang out, the fun things we could have done, how we could have been better friends. And goodbyes often mean that you grow apart. Because proximity helps a lot in a friendship. Goodbyes are also hard because often times I have so much to say to the person, so much emotion to communicate. But all that comes out is "goodbye, I'll miss you, I love you." All the while I wish I could say how much they really mean to me, how they've helped me so much and how much I really, truly care about them. And the goodbyes that never occur are worse. Because then I don't get to even say the little that I usually do.

college, day one, part two

So, I did go to the Capture the Flag event, and I am all sweaty and disgusting and hot and funky. But it was lots of fun, and I'm very glad that I went. Now I'm sitting on my bed, with my roommate and two of her guy friends talking and sitting around her computer. It's slightly strange, and I'm foreseeing that our sleep schedules may not coincide. Or at least, I'll be in my dorm room at a reasonable time, and she might not be. Then again, it is the first day, so I can't really draw any conclusions right now. I really love Capture the Flag. And I met a new friend, which is good. I saw someone from back home as well, but didn't say hello because the leaders were explaining the rules. I'm a little apprehensive about finding people with whom I could be good friends. Which is why I'm looking forward to checking out New Life church, which was recommended to me by several people. But that will have to wait for next Sunday, because this Sunday I'll be back home. Yuppers.

College, day one

So I'm in my dorm room, sitting on my bed, feeling a little lame. I mean, I'm at college and all I've done today has been to sit around, unpack, and mess around on the internets (translation: watch lots of vlogs from my favorite UK Youtubers Charlie and Alex <3 (and some friends: fiveawesomeguys)). But I'm at college! I should be meeting up with my friends and having fun. Not that I'm not having fun watching Charlie and Alex, but rather that I just haven't interacted with people much today. I mean besides my roommate, who is quite lovely, but who probably thinks that I'm lame and have no friends. And that I don't like to talk. But that's just today. She'll soon find out that I really like to talk. Anyway, what I was getting at is that I should go do something. There is a capture the flag event tonight, but I'm all sweaty and disgusting and probably smell funky so I don't want to go. I think I will though. Yes, I will go play capture the flag and get more sweaty and disgusting. Yuck. Well, I'm going to go get ready for that because it starts in twenty minutes and I want to try to smell a little better.