Clues

6/17/08

i gave you clues

clues to tell you i wanted you to care

wanted you to ask, even if i pretended like i didn't want to talk about it

but you were fooled by the charade

all of you were fooled

all i wanted was an ear to listen

and tonight, couldn't you hear how close to tears i was?

couldn't you hear my heart in my voice?

couldn't you tell i wanted a hug and attention?

but no, all you heard was what you wanted to hear

no, i wasn't able to come, i had work in the morning, have a fun time, see you sunday.

are you going to be at softball?...

the phone goes dead and i find myself talking to the emptiness

i hang the phone up and retreat into my room where i can let the tears fall unnoticed

i hope you care enough to help patch the crack you just widened

i hope you care enough to notice

i hope you care

i would call you back

but

but the phone is in the living room

and i don't want my parents to know how i feel

nothing except what i can't have will make everything better

nothing except what i can't have...

i can't have a conversation

with my best? friends

i don't know any more

i don't know anything anymore

nothing gives me the peace i crave

nothing

sleep is just a continuation of life

or else life is a continuation of sleep

all i know is that confusion and strangeness pervade both

i can't even escape into books;

my drug of choice no longer satisfies

i know what you would say

trust God and his love for you

i would, but my heart

my heart refuses to be lifted up by hope

and wallows in it's depressed and lonely state