The roiling* mess in my head right now

I am learning French.  And sometime last semester, I stopped working so hard and so now it's all catching up to me.  I feel like I'm trying to swim with my eyes closed, but I don't know how, so I'm just floundering and flailing my arms around and everyone can see me failing.  I hate this feeling.  Maybe I just need to make a nice cup of tea or hot chocolate, and everything will feel better.  I don't know.  I know that if I work hard, I can make up the ground that I've lost, but I know that it will take a definite time commitment, and I'm not sure if I'm ready to do that, or if I can, without going a bit insane, like I was last semester.  But if I don't, I will also go a bit insane.  So it's got me both ways.  I guess I just have to grit my teeth and buckle down and just do it.  And I will be so much happier when I feel like I'm on top of everything I'm supposed to have learned.  It's just that there is so much to learn, so much to cram into my brain and regurgitate, without going insane, or my health suffering for it.  Not that my health doesn't suffer enough already with the stress in my life.  College is really hard, in case you didn't know.  Okay, I'm going to do my homework now.  I can do it, I can do it, I can do it, I can do it.

It's less like a hundred yard sprint and more like a marathon, only you've been trained for a half marathon, and the whole marathon requires so much more out of you for longer.  Basically, what I'm saying is that I'm tired.  In a deep, deep way.  Maybe I'm doing too much, have too much on my plate.  But-but I don't want to drop anything.  And maybe I'm just feeling blah tonight because I'd rather watch Sherlock than do French homework.



*Apparently this is a word.  And I didn't realize I knew it until I typed it, and then I went "is this even a word?"  It is.  It means to move in a turbulent, swirling manner.