I am feeling pragmatic tonight

I miss you too, but in a different sort of way

from you missing me.

The simple fact of our distance

and the reasons behind it

dictate the separation of feelings.

Not those of me for you

or you for me

but rather the time to indulge

those emotions.

I am much too busy

to feel as intensely the separation.

Or I don't have the mental and emotional energy to indulge

so I don't allow myself to feel so strongly.

I just wouldn't function well.

I have come to the conclusion

that everything everyone ever does

is just to survive.

To manage to keep living

to keep your head above the water

and keep moving forward.

And so I am surviving.

I miss you.

But I don't need you everyday

with the passion that I sometimes allow myself to feel

when I am drowning in Responsibility

and all I want

is to curl up beside you

on a homemade picnic blanket

in the park

in the warm summer sun.

I miss you,

and sometimes I shake my fist at the sky

and damn the necessity for education

and the fact that it has taken me away from my love.

But it has.

Sometimes I wonder why this is necessary,

why God is doing this in us

but then I come up with several ideas

and I find myself comforted.

It is far too tempting for me to dive far to quickly into far too much emotional intimacy with people, and especially, you

And while on some levels that is good,

it is also bad, based on other reasons.

so maybe God knows this, and is dictating the pace of our relationship

via school recesses.

And Maybe we are learning important lessons about waiting

(though I feel like I have that one down pat)

and suffering

and relying on God instead of each other.

We are learning patience,

and loyalty

and the importance of duty

(not to say that love isn't important,

it's just that duty is also important

and not often taught nowadays).

We are learning who we are as individuals

which is an important lesson,

before we learn who we are as a couple.

And, we bring up issues and woundings in each other,

and if we were in the same city and saw each other often

we would have very little time to process things in between meetings.

So you see, there are good things to being so far away

Even if it doesn't always feel like it.

All this to say, I suppose,

that I love you

and miss you a lot.