On how amazing God is, and how good his plans are

Basically, God is freaking amazing! So I was at a retreat on Friday and Saturday, at Camp FaHoLa, with New Life (and 8 other schools/churches), and God pretty much flipped my world upside down. I'll try to explain a few of the ways in which he did this.

First of all, and the biggest one, was that God showed me how most of my dreams for the future are based on fear. I am an introverted person, and was pretty shy as a child. And as I'm here at college, and starting to think about what I'm going to do next, it's kind of scary. The world sometimes seems like a scary, unfriendly, unfeeling place. I'm going to have to get a job, and support myself, and deal with paying bills, etc, etc, etc. Which just seems kind of scary. And so my dreams for the future are based on those things. I want to be a teacher, because (while I also enjoy explaining things), I will be dealing with not that many adults, and people who are younger than me don't really inspire my introvertedness quite so much. I want to get married and have kids not just because I really want to be married and have kids, but also because maybe my husband will deal with stuff for me. I'm sure that there are other dreams that are based on fear, but I can't really think about them right now.

So I basically gave my dreams and future to God. Which is pretty scary, but he knows what's best for me, and I've got to trust in him. And his view for my future is pretty amazing. I think he might be calling me into ministry. Which, quite frankly, is not anything I've ever thought of doing. Because I'm introverted, and don't particularly enjoy leading or talking to large groups of people. I can do it, but it's not something that I would pick as a career path. But God does this amazing thing where he plays off of our weaknesses, instead of our strengths. Because where we are weak, he is strong, and when we are weak, that gives him an opportunity to show his power through us.

He said some pretty amazing things when I was talking to him about this, one of them was about my gifts. So basically he was like "You've just been accepting my gifts without wondering why I gave them to you." Which kind of blew me away. Because it's completely true. I've never wondered why God gave me one gift instead of another. And thinking about it, some of my gifts would work really well in a leadership position. God's been planning this for a while. Just the gift of grace that has characterized my life. The environment I grew up in, with my parents and my church, the knowledge of Him that I've been receiving since I can remember. The ability to explain things, which was one of the reasons I would have been a good teacher, is also the mark of a good leader.

So God's calling me to do some hard stuff, stuff I'm not comfortable doing. I'm going to have to rely on Him. He wants me to be bold, which is not something I'm comfortable doing. But I trust in Him. And He told me this amazing thing. He said "You will stand, frail and seemingly alone, and you will vanquish the world." Which is pretty freaking amazing!

So that's that. And this next part is kind of the bad news, for you guys at least. I think God wants me to do this summer leadership training that New Life offers. It's two months in the summer where you basically have intensive teaching and prayer, etc. So if this plays out, I'll only be in Kalamazoo for May, half of June, and three-quarters of August.