I honestly don't have much to say this evening, don't have much to offer. On one hand, I'm feeling a lot less lonely than I did last week. (Thanks to everyone who reached out and communicated with me this past week. It meant a lot.) But I'm still dealing with loneliness, with engaging God in this issue in my life. I'm still struggling to give up on my own attempts to make myself happy, even though I know that it doesn't work, and it ends up making me sad and lonely. I'm trying not to isolate myself when I get tired and depleted of energy, even though being alone and by myself gives me energy. Being alone is not the same as isolation. I guess I'm just tired. I'm tired of how hard (or maybe consistent) things are sometimes, and tired of dealing (or not) with my emotions all the time, and tired of life being blah too much of the time. I'm tired of being in control in my life, but I can't seem to let go even so. I'm tired of trying to lose myself in stories, and of failing to achieve my resolutions and goals. I want rest and community. Luckily, next week is spring break and I'm going on an amazing trip with some people whom I really respect and like.
I want so much, and sometimes I wonder if I ever will get it.
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