On heros (and heroines)

I've been thinking about the concept of the hero, recently, thinking about what heroics mean, who heros are. I've spent much of my life reading stories, and much of those stories are about heros. Granted, some were bildungsromans (coming of age novels), but many of the books I've read over the years involved a hero. And those books and stories are all well and good. The hope, the wish to be a hero is a good one. We are all unique, and we all have a unique role to play in the story that God has created, and who's to say that I'm not being a hero to someone, just by living my life the way I am, just by keeping to the course that I've set for myself? Who's to say that my smallest decision will not affect someone's life for good forever?

I've turned my back on the classical idea of the hero. I can never be that kind of person, who is so certain and sure about their mission, who sweeps in with strength and courage and saves the day in a flash of glamor and prestige. I'm not the protagonist in a typical fantasy novel, who has adventures and is constantly within an inch of their life, but in the end is victorious, like you always knew they would be. I just am not. I am too unsure, too full of messiness, too tired, too something to be that kind of hero. But. But, there is a kind of hero that I can be.

I've read most, if not all of Robin McKinley's books, and I would recommend them to you if you like fantasy (not Sunshine, or Deerskin, though. Those have bad parts). Her heroines (as well as the hero or two she's written about) are not in the typical hero mold. Not strong, in the typical sense of the word. Not confidant (in fact, often small and insecure). Not certain, or glamorous. The people they help often see them with distrust at first. They are outsiders, they are different. And they only do what they can because they must; there is no one else there, no one else to even try to save the country, village, dragon, world, community. They do what they can, because they must, and it turns out to be enough. They endure, because it is the only thing they can do, and they act when it is the only thing they can do.  In their heroics, they utterly expend themselves. They give up every last bit of their energy in pursuit of their goal, and if it is not enough, then they are dead, but the goal was important enough to them to warrant their last strength. I can't be a typical heroine, but I can be a Robin McKinley heroine. I can't face my fights with certainty in my own prowess, but I can face them with courage and because I must. I can't fight my battles with hope of winning every single one of them, but I can fight them. And I don't know what I'm doing most of the time, but that's okay. God has made me to be me, and my actions flow out of my character, and I have to hope that is enough. I have to hope that my actions, even actions filled with uncertainty, will be enough. And if I am tired all the time, then that is the price I pay.

Who's to say that my life, living quietly for the ones I love, is not more heroic than a man who rescues someone from a burning building? Who's to say that every time that you chose to deny yourself and do the harder thing, you are not being a hero? Who gets to decide?

Who is more heroic, the man who does one courageous deed one time and is forever hailed as a hero, or the man who lives a quiet courageous life, holding out hope in circumstances that tempt him to despair?

There are so many unsung heros in this world, and many who deserve awards and accolades and plaques from their local authorities never receive them. But they are still heros.  James, who has a plaque from the city of Kalamazoo honoring him for his heroic actions (if you don't know the story, ask me about it sometime), doesn't believe that he was the real hero in the situation. He applauds another, who didn't get recognized, but who, he believes, did more to save a life than he did.  The thing is, he was just in the right place in the right time, and did the right thing. And got called a hero for it. His friend, who was also in the right place at the right time and did the right thing, didn't.

How do you know that you are not a hero? It takes courage to face your demons over and over again. It takes courage to live your day-to-day life without despair.