So my computer has decided to be a little crazy today, and I'm not super happy with it right now.  I don't know what the problem is, but it's really obnoxious.  And I hope that it's not a virus or a bug or something. Cause that would really, really suck.  Anyway, I think I might go to sleep early tonight, because I'm kind of tired and need sleep.  Or I could study.  I don't know.  I don't want to study.  I don't know what I would rather be doing.  And I don't exactly want to go to sleep early either.  I just don't know.

***

Look what I made!

It no longer exists, cause I broke it up into it's composite parts once the presentation for my class was over.  But it was cool while it lasted!  I'll see if I can post a link to the recorded presentation if any of you want to see it.  Bah, too complicated.  Oh well.

Tired.  So tired.  But everything is going to be okay in the end.  Also, two of the guys on my hall are such boys.  They are such boys.  *shakes head and laughs*  Bedtime for Hannah!

This is how I feel this morning

It's been a long, long day (In which I talk about my day, missing people, and bird shit)

And I am very glad that it's over.  But tomorrow is going to be yet another long day, and on and on, until Winter break.  I hope today is the longest, though.  I couldn't handle more days like this one.  Too much in one day.  Way too much.  And no time to think about it and catch my breath.  Ah well.

I really miss all of you in Kalamazoo right now.  It almost feels like my life here in Ann Arbor isn't real, like it's a weird dream or something, and there is no one I can truly rely on here.  That isn't true, of course, but it sometimes seems like it.  Or maybe it's like there is no one here that truly knows me, really, deeply.  I don't know.  All I know is that I miss Emily and Kiersten and Gwen and Abby and Aaron and my Dad and my Mom and everyone back home.  And my brothers.  I miss everyone, and I just want to relax and be refreshed.  I just want all of this to be over.  There is too much on my plate right now and I'm going insane.  Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to be crazy.  Would you know that you are crazy?  I don't know.  I think it might almost be a relief sometimes.  These are the same times when I wish I were a cat sleeping in the sun, or a dog barking as squirrels.  Side note about squirrels:  the Ann Arbor squirrels aren't the scariest/most annoying animals on campus (not that I think that they are scary or annoying).  No.  It's the crows.  There are hundreds of them, maybe even a thousand.  And they roost in the trees at night, and the quantity of bird shit (I would say crap, but the quantity and quality of it quantifies it as shit) that ends up on the sidewalk is astronomical.  If you walk by one of their trees at night you will here the splatting of it on the pavement.  It is so disgusting and I hate the crows so much.

I could keep rambling on and on about everything, but I am literally exhausted, and so am going to go to bed now.  Goodnight.  I love you all.

God is good

All the time.

***

So recently (I mean in the past three, four weeks), God has been moving in my life.  It hasn't been flashy, or happening in brief intense moments.  No, it's been a slow, gradual, deep current in my life, and all the more powerful for it.  A man's heart is deep waters and all that.  What God has been teaching me, and doing in my life, has been about trust.  Trusting him for my value and worth.  Trusting him that his plan for my life is going to be better than anything that I might pick for myself.  Trusting him that he knows best, and that he can give me strength and courage when I am too afraid to move on my own.  And I've been trusting him with all those things that I've constantly given lip-service to giving to him, but never actually done in my heart.  School is important, but in the end, it's God who has given me my mind and my talent for learning things, and I can trust that if I focus on him, my schoolwork will not suffer irreparably, and if it does, then God will open up another door.  Also, my friendships.  It's God's place to give love and value and worth to my friends, not mine.  That doesn't mean that I can't be used as an agent, that God doesn't show others his love through me, but it does mean that I don't need to convince them that I love them and they have worth.  And all of this makes me feel so free.  I know, so deeply, that God is there.  He's right here next to me, waiting to catch me when I stumble, holding out his hand to lead me so I won't stumble.  And I trust him.  So I am free to skip in public if I am filled with joy, or climb a tree even though I am almost no longer a teenager.  I am free to sing loudly, even if my voice is not the best, and I am free to risk, because I know that even if I fail, I will never fall.

I find I have no energy this evening.  I just want to sit here, and do nothing that requires a lot of effort.  Unfortunately, I have to finish this assignment the next two hours.  And I'm not all that pleased with how it's going thus far.  But that doesn't matter all that much in the end.  As long as it's done, it'll be fine, as it's a rough draft.  But I have quite a bit of other work I need to get done in the next three days.  Oh well.

Reading this over it sounds like I'm in a bad mood.  I'm not.  I'm in a tired, happy mood right now, which is better than how I was all day.  It's just not conducive to getting work done.

On the holiday spirit

I feel as if, if I had believed in him, someone had told me that Santa wasn't real.  The first blow was when we were told that we couldn't hang our wreath on our door because it stuck out too far.  I understood that.  It was dorm policy, and they seemed to be sorry that we had to take it off of our door.  Still, it made me sad.  And just now, I discovered that someone had torn the garland off of our doorframe and stolen it.  I understand having no Christmas spirit, but destroying someone else's?  That's just plain mean.  Also, destroying someone else's property?  That's not very cool, not cool at all.  Well, people or person who took the garland, I hope you're pleased with yourself, because you are a jerk.  I'm going to go to sleep before my sadness turns into anger that will not accomplish anything.